ANZO

It's been a long summer. Really long.  With way too much time in my own mind attempting to plan out my entire life, or at least what I'm gonna do after I'm done with school.  You're probably thinking, well didn't you think about that before you went back to school?  The truth. . . I did but I couldn't come up with anything that seemed exciting or challenging enough to do for the rest of my life.  Sounds bad I know.  But the interesting part about this line of thinking, is that it was the common theme at the conference I went to with all my fellow ANZO classmates this past week in Buffalo. At least I'm not alone :)

In case you were wondering, ANZO is the awesome word the program came up with for all of us crazy enough to pursue a graduate degree in a field so new the majority of people in the US have never even heard of it.  The field: Anthrozoology.  Unless you were someone I explained it to before I left, I'm guessing you've never heard of it either.  A year ago, I was terrified of the idea of going to a school I'd never heard of for a program I'd also never heard of.  Try explaining that to your parents or boyfriend.  Not easy.  "So I found this degree I don't really know what it is. . . or what it studies. . . or what they hope to accomplish with it since its brand new and the field just became known. . . but I'm gonna take out a bunch of loans and try it anyway. . . ok?"  Thinking back, they must have thought I was crazy!  Heck, I'm sure a lot of people still think I am. 

I'll be honest, I was starting to panic the first week of class.  What in the world was I getting myself into (well, besides debt)?  It just seemed like there was no specific direction we were all supposed to be headed.  We were so free, and it was weird.  Because I like structure. And lists. And deadlines.  Apparently graduate school teaches you to teach yourself in whatever way you want.  Ya, I kind of thought it sounded like an easy way for teachers to get out of grading tests and making lectures, too.  Needless to say, it was an interesting week of learning to just relax and learn, but in a whole different way.

So as you can guess, week 2 was approaching quickly and I was incredibly nervous to fly to Buffalo for 5 days to meet all my new classmates and professors.  Imagine having a group of very strong willed and confident people with the same passion, but with very different upbringings and views on that passion, spending 5 long days voicing their opinions.  I still can't even describe it.  Definitely intimidating, and definitely exciting. But even more so, I felt immensely confident about my decision to be an anthrozoologist.  And I still have no idea what all that even entails.  Haha!  But it's ok, because I know that we're all unsure and we're all in it together.  Just typing those last few sentences reminds me how crazy that must sound.  Then again, hearing some of my classmates' opinions on things sounded crazy at the time.  They also made me realize how similar we all really are.

And guess what?  I've never been more excited to follow my dreams and spend everyday of my life fighting for animal protection and showing them that humans can be compassionate.  After all, we are animals too.  And the more I experience this world, the more I'm convinced it can be immensely disturbing and twisted.  But don't worry, because I'm also convinced that there are some incredibly brave people out there who dare to stand alone.  

Even if I'm the only person in my family, my group of friends, my neighbors, my community, my town. . . I don't want to blend in anymore.  I want to make a difference. Differences aren't made by following the crowd or holding back.  I was put on this Earth to do something amazing (why else would I be here!?).  Maybe that something is small like bettering the life of a single animal, or maybe its something huge like eliminating all zoos and turning them into sanctuaries where animals can be free.  I don't know what my future holds.  But I do know that there are some pretty awesome people all over the world that are working hard to have the field of Anthrozoology be known for all the right reasons, and I'm lucky enough to call them my friends. 

 

I also wanted to show you a few pictures from my trip to Buffalo.  Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of my new ANZO friends yet, but soon.  Enjoy :)

 

 

Welcome to Canisius College! (School of only about 5500 total)

 

 

It has so much character!

 

 

I got to meet Wayne Pacelle (and got my copy of his book signed) while I was there.  Wayne Pacelle is the CEO/President of the Humane Society of the U.S. They've done some amazing things for animals, so it was very exciting to meet him!

The Power of Music

Have you ever turned on the radio just in time to hear a song that hits close to home?  No matter what kind of mood you're in, or what your day's stresses consist of, there is always that one song that fits you perfectly at that moment. You know exactly what I'm talking about.  Sometimes it cheers you up, and sometimes it makes you cry. And if it's the truth, it usually hurts when you hear it.

For me, that song is "Don't Forget To Remember Me" by Carrie Underwood.  I was standing in the kitchen attempting to make dinner when I heard it.  I don't even think I made it to the chorus before I started balling.  In case you haven't heard it before...

Once I finished listening to the song, I walked downstairs.  With no words spoken, I hugged Paul with everything I had.  At that point, he was the only thing holding me together and the strength that was keeping me here.  I'm sure he was surprised it took me a full week before my first emotional break down (I had many even before we left AZ).  But if he was, he never said a word.

Don't get me wrong, I AM enjoying this once in a lifetime adventure living in NY.  In fact, I'm having the time of my life.  I'm learning so much about myself.  In the beginning, I thought I needed to stay so others wouldn't think I was a quitter or that I couldn't survive the big apple.  But now I know I am staying for ME.  I have already gotten much stronger, and my relationship with Paul has never been better.  Right HERE and right NOW, I am HAPPY :)  I am proud of all the risks I have taken this year already.  And I know that I CAN survive the big city . . . or in a small town in Long Island thousands of miles from everything I've ever known.  But through all our adventures, big or small, easy or seemingly impossible, near or far, I  am constantly thinking of my family and friends back home.

P.S.   Momma, don't forget to tell my big sister, 

              I'll see her in the fall (when she has the baby!)

         Tell Grandma that I miss her,

             I should giver her a call

         And make sure you tell Daddy, 

             That I'm still his little girl

         I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be

         But don't forget to remember me

Footsteps

True Story: 

I hate attics and basements. They are dark and scary and appear in way too many scary movies. Our new house is old and creaky and I refuse to go up or downstairs without implementing the buddy system (which really means Paul goes with me because Trixie is a big chicken and won't go into either the attic or basement even with the two of us). So when I awoke to heavy, creaky footsteps in the attic at 3:30 this morning, I was absolutely terrified. I was hoping it was just a bad dream but I didn't want to risk it, so I hurried up and woke Paul. I thought he would tell me "You're just hearing things, go back to sleep," but he didn't. In fact, as soon as we heard more footsteps followed by a few loud thumps, he sprung out of bed, ran to the bedroom door, and told me to call 911. I grabbed my phone and stared at it. I was frozen. My imagination was starting to take over.  When I snapped back to reality and started to dial, Paul whispered "WAIT" and looked at me. Too scared to say anything else, we just looked at each other in fear. We knew we needed to slow down a minute and think rationally. We decided to wait and listen a little bit longer to be sure. All this happened in only about 1 minute. And yet those few seconds of waiting and listening felt like hours. But we were right, there were definitely heavy footsteps slowly moving around above us.

1st thought: our new house is haunted

2nd thought: someone broke into our house 

3rd thought: where the heck is our security dog?!   

My mind quickly went to Trixie. We tried quietly calling for her, but couldn't hear her anywhere in the house and she wasn't in the bedroom with us like usual. I figured she'd be growling or barking or at least making some noise if she heard a stranger or saw a ghost. Thoughts of what could have happened to her flooded my mind (have you ever seen Paranormal Activity 2?). But I forced those thoughts out of my mind as I continued to listen. 

Our attic isn't very big at all, so it sounded like the footsteps were just walking in circles. That, and the fact that there is absolutely nothing but empty boxes in the attic made the situation even more confusing. Just as we tried whispering for Trixie, the steps grew louder. Then they came down the stairs. This time the footsteps sounded different, and were followed by a faint jingling sound.  Still frozen, we were both sitting on the bed staring down the hall in anticipation of what was about to happen next.   

And then we saw. . .

                    . . .Trixie?  

She comes prancing in the room, ears back, tail wagging, clearly excited, and probably thinking, "oh goody, you guys are up too!" 

And we about died laughing. 

Well,  until it was time to go back to bed and we couldn't. Probably because we both knew we didn't really have any answers. Was it really only Trixie's footsteps we heard in the attic? If so, what in the world was she doing up there all by herself in the middle of the night (especially when she won't even go during the day with one of us)?  Was there something she heard, like a mouse?  All I know for sure is that we both lost sleep and I'm really wishing that we only have a mouse in the attic.

"There comes a time when one must risk everything or sit forever with ones dreams."

I've never been one to take risks. And yet, I'm terrified of waking up one day and realizing I've settled in every aspect of my life. I hate that word...settle. The way I see it, if you're going to settle in life you might as well stop dreaming. I know it may sound harsh, but if you aren't willing to fight for your dreams, how are you going to achieve them?

It all started 6 months ago when I was faced with the greatest risk I could have ever imagined. My fiance had been accepted into a wonderful Physician Assistant graduate program. The catch...it was all the way in New York. And even though he had received acceptance from a few other schools along the way, we both knew Stony Brook was the right choice. And in all honesty, I never once thought about not going with him. But saying goodbye to my family and friends was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. All that cheesy stuff you hear growing up about "spreading your wings" and "finding yourself in the world" became all too true. But armed with my two best friends (my fiance, Paul, and my fur baby, Trixie) I am ready to risk everything and fight for our dreams.

As we make our way across the country, I will continue to post about all our adventures!